The Quest for True Love

by Marcus Belisario, SBO Officer, IV- Katarungan

Love, a four-letter word with thousands of meanings, ideas, contexts, and examples. Love is so general, intricate, broad, and as wide as the vast ocean. It constitutes an enigma to some, while an occult to others.

People who ended up being each other’s happily-ever-after had passed through different stages in their Quest for True Love. There are a lot of principles in love that you can learn in different stages as you seek for it. And to learn those principles, you must have an open mind to accept its magnitude. Because love is like a maze, it seems to have no ending. You’ll get stuck regretting your decision to enter the world of love. Without much knowledge and wisdom, you’d get lost, and eventually you wouldn’t find your way out. That might be a cause of insanity.

In The Quest for True Love, there are different stages you must pass through in order to find your goal. The sweetest, most precious gift of love waits at the end of the quest. Along this expedition, discoveries will be made and reflections will be done. This quest will show principles in love as well as in life.

The first stage in The Quest for Love is, “The Journey”. Like any other voyage, trip or expedition, many things can already happen; you can meet new people, visit different places, and learn different cultures. This is where the discoveries can be found. In life, no one can escape love. Any individual, who is travelling, is going towards the direction of love. We are always unaware of it, but Cupid floats just in front of us like the angel of silence, waiting for the right time to wield his arrow.

Love is inevitable. It appears out of nowhere. It doesn’t give a warning or a sign for us to be prepared. When love comes spontaneously, we become befuddled in our situation. We tend to ask ourselves if this is really happening or just a trick of our minds. Sometimes we choose not to follow what our heart feels. Many people will still choose to stay single and would not want to accept the truth that they will eventually fall in love. Maybe because they might have experienced feeling rejected, hurt, or cheated. There are people who lose their capability of loving again because of these torments. A person who’s been hurt can permanently stay away from love.

It’s possible to live a healthy and normal life without love. It’s also possible to live a successful life without falling in love. But what about your happiness? Remember that we need happiness to stimulate our life. A healthy body, a normal life, and being successful are not enough. You will still be intoxicated with sadness and loneliness without happiness.  And in order to be happy, you have to love. You must never remain loveless for too long. The world is so full of people who long to be loved. Do not be afraid to look for your special someone.

There are a lot of people who are still waiting for their special someone to knock on their door. Sometimes, they even feel like they are being unloved because there’s no one who’s making them feel special. If that’s the case, they just have to search for it. It’s more exciting to search for love than to wait for it to come. Love is just easy to find, but true love is hard. Love can be found anywhere. It doesn’t have a season or any time of the day. We live with love in our everyday lives.

After a long journey towards true love, the place where your greatest discovery hides is in “The Pit”. Just like the literal pit, you fall in it if you don’t see it, and an accident happens. Same as love, we accidentally fall in love with a person unexpectedly.

After seeking for someone to be your inspiration, things will start to change. There’s a simple test for you to determine if you’re starting to like a person. If a smile appears on your face just because you saw that person, that’s the first indication, you’re starting to get partial to him/her. The second time you see that person again, and you smile…secretly, that’s a confirmation that you’ve developed an infatuation towards that person. A secret smile never lies. A happy thought that you don’t want others to see means it’s confidential. The confidentiality of an issue ignites others to research for clues on what it is about. If other people start asking questions, you’re being pressured to say it just for others to stop making conclusions. When the truth manifests, the news will be the reason for people to conclude that you are already in love. After their conclusion, they will definitely push you to continue your happiness. When all things go well, that mere infatuation can eventually develop into love.

When in love, the senses are sharpened. Your eyes get keener and see every action in the vicinity, looking for a sign of your love. Your nose smells every scent of that special person and eventually memorizes his/her smell. Your sense of hearing hears every word; even just a whisper from your special someone seems to be a scream for you. That’s how gung-ho you can get when you’re in love. But there’s just one thing that makes these changes exasperating. It’s extremely unfortunate that when in love, it causes so many sleepless nights. There will always come a time that you will think of that person from morning till night. That person will pop in your head without you even thinking of him/her. When you think of that person, your psyche can play with you. Hallucinations will start to appear and can make sweet dreams and nightmares. As you always see your special someone in a trance-like situation, you will make an effort of being pompous in front of him/her when your desires actualize.

A person in love will always be extremely beautiful. It’s because when in love, we become happy. We’re like the fireflies at night. We appear to be radiant to other people. We stand out in the dark crowd because of our beauty. Our happiness emits a radiant glow that makes our aura so bright. Every move becomes perfect. I can say that the person who’s doing the loving is much more beautiful than the person who is being loved. But let’s face the truth for some of us. We can’t really avoid the fact that not all human beings were blessed with a gift from Aphrodite. Some of us are…ugly. But that’s not a reason to be sad when you’re in love. The perception of ugliness is not an excuse to prevent you from loving. It’s also not an excuse for you to be prevented from being loved. There a lot of couples who aren’t that good-looking, but they’re much more perfect-looking than the good-looking couples.

Love is blind. Where did the perception of that saying came from? Maybe love can be blind if we keep on becoming constant victims to our protectors, masochists to our partners, and martyrs to our lovers. But for me, love is never blind; it sees beyond. It sees through a person’s soul. Love sees the good in everyone. Love transcends all hurdles. There is no such thing as falling in love with the right person or the wrong person. There is no such thing as good taste or bad taste in love. And there is no one deserving or undeserving of your love, because it is still your genuine love that matters. In love, we need to choose someone we would like to love and we would love to love. It’s possible to love someone who doesn’t love you. It’s possible for you to fall in love with a stranger, and a stranger to fall in love with you. We even have the freedom to love a person from a different race, religion, or upbringing. And if you have chosen someone and it’s not only you who loves that person, never engage in a competition for love. Be true to yourself, that person will love you for who you are. If he/she truly loves you, that person won’t need any exposition just to prove your love. But still, the occult is so perplexing. You fall in love with a “Particular Someone” because that someone is a special someone. Yet, if that “Particular Someone” is truly a special someone, why doesn’t everyone else fall in love with as much intensity with that “Particular Someone”? It’s crazy right?

Remember that it’s you who makes a person like you or dislike you. Your actions, personality, character, and everything you posses is an asset for attraction.

After wars of sleepless nights and battles of daydreaming, the letter will knock on your door. “The Confession” must be done.

It’s painful to love and choose not to express it. It’s like keeping a bomb in your stomach that constantly explodes every time you see the person who makes you smile. It’s not only painful; it’s extremely painful to love a person who’s not aware of your love. By maintaining not to express it, it feels like hell staying on that situation. Inculcate in your mind that you must never be ashamed of love, never be ashamed of being in love, and never be ashamed of the person you love.

But there are people who really stay in that situation. Maybe because they already presupposed that they won’t get the answer they would like to hear. Maybe they repress because the person they love is already taken. Or worst, that person might be their friend.

Sometimes, secret admirers can be entitled as the noble lovers. Knowing that they confess to people who doesn’t know them, it will definitely be confusing to the person who is being loved, because why on earth would a stranger know him/her and even confess? It’s disconcerting to be loved by someone you don’t know. It’s disappointing to be loved by the person you don’t love. People would just say, “Buti nga may nakaka-appreciate sa’yo eh…”

Secret admirers confess through their love letters or gifts. With their effort of making it to the confession stage, sometimes they’re always cut down there. They don’t pass the confession because they were already rejected from afar. The person being loved can diffuse his/her reaction about the secret admirer. The person being loved can announce to anyone that he/she doesn’t like being treated that way. So in the stage of confession, there’s always that half-probability that things can get well or be a cliché.

The news of knowing that your love has been accepted will definitely bring you ecstasy. Loving someone unconditionally is probably the most exciting adventure in life. This stage is called, “The Joy”.

In the start of a relationship, you will see your special someone perfectly flawless. You will start loving everything about that person, from his/her friends, family, and the things that he/she likes. Your love with that person will be constant every time of the day. When truly and madly in love, saying “I love you” won’t be necessary at all. The two of you can be capable of conveying messages to each other just by using your minds.

During in the middle of a relationship, it’s not indispensable to bring love to the test; many tests will occur on their own accord. Jealousy must never become a start of an argument. Impatience must never be a start of a fight. You must never make an issue just to test how much your partner is giving a commensurate love. Your superficial attitude might lead you to a lousy relationship with your loved one. If the two of you truly and genuinely love each other, everything will be attuned when you’re together. For example, in a calamity, it will be less disturbing if you’re in the company of each other. Holding each other’s hands bonds you together stronger than kissing. That’s how powerful your love is; it can defuse the fear from devastation just by being in the presence of each other.

After “The Confession”, it’s not always “The Joy” that comes next. There’s always that rejection you can get just by expressing your love by confessing.  “The Agony” is the counterpart of “The Joy”. In the stage of “The Agony”, you are in a state of sorrow. You mourn for your broken heart. Do you know why you’re being hurt?

Because you love yourself. You care for yourself and you don’t want yourself being hurt, that’s why sometimes you detest the person who rejects you. Rejection hurts. It feels like the summation of all the calamities of nature colliding with each other inside you. Every part of you aches. Heart beats fast. Your body cringes as the memories of the thumbs-down-feeling sinks in to you. You feel infirm and you feel heavy as well. You are suffocated.

There are a slew of people rejected just by merely confessing. When you render your love, it’s sometimes passed on to someone else rather than given back to you. It hurts right? It’s like opening a door. If your special someone doesn’t wish to enter, let it be. It means that it’s not yet time.

Some people who are so ardent enjoy their agonizing endeavour of hounding someone who resent them. Pathetic as it may seem, but that’s the truth. As for other broken hearted people, as soon as they have moved on, love dissipates from their hearts and wake up as though from a long tedious dream.

In a rejection, it’s not always the person confessing is the one rejected. You can still be rejected even if you’re already together with your special someone. I’ll tell you this, in a relationship, you can easily tell from the beginning whether it will work or not. The only question is, “Are you willing to accept the indications?” Of course it’s not that easy, you love the person. But still, we’re talking about your heart, your happiness, your long time commitment. If you want your heart to have a long and happy life, choose what’s best for it.

Another painful part of this agonizing stage is the silent rejection of a person. No official “no”, no official “yes”. It’s like searching light in the darkness. You just rely on your instincts in order to get what the other person’s decision is. That’s more painful than hearing the banging “Sorry, hindi kita gusto…” from the person you love. That’s how severe a rejection is. That’s “The Agony”.

Love should always be a series of bountiful surprises.

Come to think of it, love can be a metaphor to anything. You can compare love to anything. It’s silly that you have to go on a long journey just to find your one true love. And in that journey, maybe some people started loving you, but you choose to search for the real one, the right one. “The One”. You would probably remember some of those people who loved you truly, because you can never forget a person who loved you genuinely at least once in your life, no matter how insignificant that person is to you. When you have found the right one, you can finally say that you are on the last stage of the quest, “The Conclusion”. You will see “Love” spelled with your loved one’s name embedded in your heart. You will love everyone because you’re happy. You will be surprised everyday by the astounding love. You will wake up every morning to love. You will work every day to love. And you will live for the rest of your life for love.

These principles are just an inkling on how big love is. Love is so complex like the lucid galaxies in the universe. Every day, it proliferates the people who are in love. It’s just a sneak peak on how you can determine one true love. Let this be a guide on your own Quest for True Love and explore the exquisite life with an authentic love.

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